February 2007 ~ Something to Think About
About 25 years ago I was browsing in a gift shop when I saw a poster that said,”Love is a helluva lot of work!” A bit profane, to be sure. But the profanity gave the message a certain “punch” that “love is a heckuva lot of work” or “love requires a great deal of work” just don’t have. Anyway, I loved the poster. I considered buying it but decided it might not be appropriate for my office at Unity Village! I’ve never forgotten the poster, however, and have wished more than once that I had bought it.
Love is a helluva lot of work! What a great line! What a great way to say what anyone who has ever been in a love relationship has found to be true. We’re talking here about the kind of love that keeps us together after the thrill of romance and sexual attraction and honeymoon bliss have come and gone. We’re talking about the kind of love that keeps us together when we don’t like each other very much. We’re talking about the kind of love that is not so much an emotion as it is a decision, a promise, a commitment. This kind of love is needed, not only between spouses or partners, but between parents and children, neighbors, co-workers, church boards, city council members… whomever... wherever.
Love as “work” is all-encompassing. The nitty gritty stuff of living together, in any arena, puts a demand on our energy, our attitudes, our sensitivities and our faith. How nice it would be if our relationships were 50/50 all the time. But this is rarely so. The scale tips to one side or the other on a regular basis. Sometimes we find ourselves required to give 60% (or more). At other times, we may be the one who can only contribute 40% (or less).
It occurs to me that, while the poster message seems to be referring to the work of love in terms of quantity, it may be more accurate to read the line as referring to a quality of love. A quality of love that is less about ways of behaving and more about ways of being. This, however, does not diminish the importance of behaving in loving ways. Ways that are summarized so beautifully in these lines from 1st Corinthians 13 ~
It’s clear that we don’t just wake up one morning and find ourselves patient, kind, free of envy or resentment, and so on. We know too much about the way the mind, and by extension, the emotions, work to think it’s that easy. It’s not really about “doing” at all. It is about “being” at such a deep level that the “doing” comes naturally. (Say that three times fast!)
That “love” is one of the twelve powers, one of our God-given spiritual qualities, is no surprise… in fact, it is a relief! To know that we already have the potential for love is helpful, especially on those days when “like” is almost more than we can muster. Here is a little of what Charles Fillmore understood about love as a spiritual power:
So, back to the poster. Why is love such a lot of work if we already have it within us? I don’t know. Maybe because we are still trying to understand love. In our struggle to “find” love, we have lost sight of the truth that we already have it. Love is not a product that we “get” and then we’ve “got it.” Love is a power, a process that is constantly going on in our lives. Try this on for size: everything that is in my life at this very moment is here because I love it! Yep… all the good stuff and all the grungy stuff. Love, as a magnetic power, attracts to me what I think about consistently, what I am most willing to work for. There’s that word again… work. Mr. Fillmore said: “The true object of all work is to express the power of one’s being and to benefit humankind.” And what exactly is the work? It is the work of inner transformation that Unity has taught from the beginning... the work of self observation and a disciplined practice of denial and affirmation.
When we view it this way, the poster makes sense and gives us something to think about!
jbm
Love is a helluva lot of work! What a great line! What a great way to say what anyone who has ever been in a love relationship has found to be true. We’re talking here about the kind of love that keeps us together after the thrill of romance and sexual attraction and honeymoon bliss have come and gone. We’re talking about the kind of love that keeps us together when we don’t like each other very much. We’re talking about the kind of love that is not so much an emotion as it is a decision, a promise, a commitment. This kind of love is needed, not only between spouses or partners, but between parents and children, neighbors, co-workers, church boards, city council members… whomever... wherever.
Love as “work” is all-encompassing. The nitty gritty stuff of living together, in any arena, puts a demand on our energy, our attitudes, our sensitivities and our faith. How nice it would be if our relationships were 50/50 all the time. But this is rarely so. The scale tips to one side or the other on a regular basis. Sometimes we find ourselves required to give 60% (or more). At other times, we may be the one who can only contribute 40% (or less).
It occurs to me that, while the poster message seems to be referring to the work of love in terms of quantity, it may be more accurate to read the line as referring to a quality of love. A quality of love that is less about ways of behaving and more about ways of being. This, however, does not diminish the importance of behaving in loving ways. Ways that are summarized so beautifully in these lines from 1st Corinthians 13 ~
“Love is patient; love is kind; love in not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”
It’s clear that we don’t just wake up one morning and find ourselves patient, kind, free of envy or resentment, and so on. We know too much about the way the mind, and by extension, the emotions, work to think it’s that easy. It’s not really about “doing” at all. It is about “being” at such a deep level that the “doing” comes naturally. (Say that three times fast!)
That “love” is one of the twelve powers, one of our God-given spiritual qualities, is no surprise… in fact, it is a relief! To know that we already have the potential for love is helpful, especially on those days when “like” is almost more than we can muster. Here is a little of what Charles Fillmore understood about love as a spiritual power:
“Love is an inner quality that sees good everywhere and in everybody. It insists that all is good, and by refusing to see anything but good it causes that quality finally to appear uppermost in itself, and in all things. Love is the pure essence of Being that joins and binds in divine harmony the universe and everything in it.” (RW)
So, back to the poster. Why is love such a lot of work if we already have it within us? I don’t know. Maybe because we are still trying to understand love. In our struggle to “find” love, we have lost sight of the truth that we already have it. Love is not a product that we “get” and then we’ve “got it.” Love is a power, a process that is constantly going on in our lives. Try this on for size: everything that is in my life at this very moment is here because I love it! Yep… all the good stuff and all the grungy stuff. Love, as a magnetic power, attracts to me what I think about consistently, what I am most willing to work for. There’s that word again… work. Mr. Fillmore said: “The true object of all work is to express the power of one’s being and to benefit humankind.” And what exactly is the work? It is the work of inner transformation that Unity has taught from the beginning... the work of self observation and a disciplined practice of denial and affirmation.
When we view it this way, the poster makes sense and gives us something to think about!
jbm
